Edinburgh Playhouse, Scotland, 20/1/01 Twice!!!
Caroline Jane Briggs
The phone rang -"Bryan's touring! Have you heard?" Bought the tix. The phone rang again - "He's added another date in the afternoon!" Ok! Bought some more tix!
I looked forward to the gigs with a mix of excitement and intrepidation - excitement for the gigs themselves and intrepidation because, it being us, chaos and mayhem were found to follow! (Tina's Chaos and I'm Mayhem!)
Finally the day arrived and we set out from Stoke on the 254 mile journey to Edinburgh. We had been driving for about an hour and things had been going quite well - we hadn't hit anything, we still have all four wheels on the car, and I'd been able to read the map! Lulled into a false sense of security I was unprepared for the "polo incident"!
(Tina, you know I love you matey but your driving can be described in one word - JESUS! Yours is the only Ford Fiesta I know that can go at Mark 2! Sorry, mate!) Anyway, back to the polo incident, 95 mph in the fast lane, attempting an ambitious overtaking of a lorry. It was at this point that Tina decides she wants to open a packet of polos! I did hear the lorry's horn, but the exact events are still a mystery to me as, for some reason, I was unable to open my eyes!
We left the motorway, braking for a roundabout and having peeled my face off the windscreen, we stopped for some breakfast!
The rest of the route into Edinburgh was more country roads - signs telling us to "beware of badgers" were everywhere. The next incident I'm afraid was down to me. Having taken a wrong turn I suggested that we should turn around in the entrance to a field up ahead. Now the light wasn't good
and it was misty (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!) So there we sat in the car in a ... well, in a ditch! Fearful that we may be leapt upon by ferocious badgers at any moment we pushed ourselves free!
The rest of the journey into Edinburgh passed without incident (phew!), well, apart from the two wrong turns we took which resulted in us visiting two farms!
Finally Edinburgh, having dropped our luggage off at our B&B and freshened up (the ditch was muddy!) we made our way to the venue and the bar next door (oh dear!).
Hi, to Nic and her friend Kelly (nice hat, Nic! Gotcha!)
Anyway, several vodka and red bull's later, someone said that they had heard the lads were coming. We made our way to the stage door, which was no mean feat, it being at the bottom of a road like a ski jump, and me limping fram falling up the stairs and hurting my knee (vodka!).
When we got to the stage door Bryan had already gone inside. Upon hearing this a lot of people left - FOOLS! That left Tina, myself, and around four others (including a guy who wanted his guitar signing, who we ended up giving a bed for the night, but that's another story!).
Anyway, Keith arrived and came over to us. I asked him if he would mind signing a picture of him that I had drawn. He asked me if it was my own work and, when I said it was, he said I was very talented. I nearly passed out (not vodka!) there and then!
Tina, who had previously been having her Haven book defaced by Mickey, came over and got chatting. After getting photos Keith went inside saying he hoped we would enjoy the gig.
I would like to point out at this point, Tina
and Nic, that I did NOT walk up to Keith and say "Hi, Keith, I'm not a slut!" I was trying to explain to him that the messages
he and Tina had traded on his message board about my character were unfair. And
when, in his last message, he suggested a list of Canadian men who I could have I thought that's it! Anyway, confronted by this half drunk, limping woman, professing not to be a slut, Keith was very good about it and told me he didn't want me to behave!
The gigs themselves were awesome! I think probably, no definately the best I've ever been to. Bryan should play more venues this size.
We took our seats for the afternoon gig. I couldn't believe how close to the stage we were - no barriers, no security - we could
actually lean on the stage!
There we stood, in front of Keith's mic, and waited for the guys to come out. The now familiar white set flashed into life and the guys appeared from behind large balloons.
Keith seemed in rather a distructive mood, having jumped on some speakers in front of us and giving it a good kick for good measure, he then decided to take a dislike to his mic stand and proceeded to kick it all over the stage!!!
Keith, then wearing some dubious headgear, pranced about the stage with a variety of silly walks that John Cleese would be proud of! During one such walk, sticking out his bum. Bryan shouted "look at his builders bum!" I never thought I'd hear Bryan sing "Bob The Builder", but with every gig a new experience!
A half-time trip to the pub (more vodka) and it was time for gig No.2. Having hated his mic stand earlier on, Keith must have had a change of heart during the interval and showed his affection for it by performing a pole dance around it! Bryan shouted "That's enough!" and stopped the song in fear of how far he might go!
On noticing we were there again, Keith would pull a face at us every time he came over.
All too soon the gigs were finished and it was time to go. One last trip to the pub, one last vodka!
The day flew past in a blur and, as usual, I can't wait to do it all again. Well, most of it, the near misses on the motorway, getting stuck in ditches, the vodka and falling upstairs I can do without. (Well, okay, maybe not the vodka!).
Until the next time, when I'm sure Chaos and Mayhem will return.